Putting a little twist on Jeff Foxworthy’s You Might Be A Redneck If …, the following are just a few clues that you might be serving as a missionary in the third world if …
1. You can accomplish anything in the dark with only a headlight (including surgery)
2. You routinely wash and reuse ziplock bags.
3. You find the thought of constipation hilarious.
4. You have a six month supply of ketchup and jelly in your pantry.
5. You can take a shower in 2 minutes, with or without hot water.
6. Your fellow missionaries are your neighbors are your work colleagues are your church members are your friends are your “aunts and uncles” are your classmates/teachers/students.
7. You actually think that tan clothes are white.
8. Your son is able to peek his head into your operating room during the middle of a procedure (without mask, cap, or scrubs) and ask, “Dad, will you be home for lunch?”
9. Your front door spends more time open than closed.
10. You debate whether you should bring a spare pair of pants with you while you’re learning to drive in city traffic.
11. Your mouth starts salivating when a visitor from the States brings you candy, any kind of candy.
12. Your dinnertime conversation turns toward the topic of giarida and no one thinks anything of it.
13. Your “date night” means the kids fell asleep early.
14. You are used to your family in the States calling you and saying “good morning” when its actually 4 pm your time (you do the math).
15. Your sleep isn’t restful unless it occurs under a mosquito net.
16. You know how much school fees are for every school within a 25 kilometer radius (ask a missionary if you don’t understand).
17. You no longer flinch when you find a chameleon crawling on your curtains.
18. You usually remember the day of the week but often have trouble with the date.
19. You reprimand your child for pouring out a cup of water.
20. You have to take a trip to the airport customs office and three trips to the same post office in order to get one shipment of your children’s homeschooling books.
21. Your six month routine health maintenance for the children includes a prophylactic deworming medication.
22. You find yourself wanting to bargain with the clerk at checkout over the price of an item when you visit one of the stores in the big city.
23. You actually do go coocoo for Cocoa Puffs.
24. Your children’s feet are so ingrained with dirt that you wonder if a power washer would even touch it.
25. You long for the days of dial-up internet service because it seemed faster than what you currently have.